Small vademecum for the character flexible personality

Greetings, you ambitious petit bourgeois whose cognitive abilities are not sufficient to crawl into the rectum of superiors with the necessary eloquence and smoothness. You are always eager to serve and don't talk back even to the most abstruse demands of your boss, but you still don't be successful? No, you are still suspiciously eyed by higher authorities as a potential right-wing pariah or even as a 'Nazi'! Do not worry, if you heed our advice, you will mutate into a streamlined jack-of-all-trades that will fit in the butt of any more or less important personality and will not have to bring a chair extra!

First of all, you should be aware that nowadays slavish subservience is not enough. Likewise, the terms 'Nazi' and 'right-wing' are often - as is well known, a marginal part of the population actually consists of radical right-wing nutcases - merely rhetorical phrases to discredit unpopular critics. Nevertheless, such a 'stigma' is as deadly to your career planning as holy water is to the devil.

Now you're on the left-wing and believe, in your youthful recklessness, that the whole thing doesn't concern you? Mistake! Also as a left deviant of the official government line you land even faster in the right corner, since after an old church wisdom a heretic is worse than thousand heathens! Now you will probably shake your frightened little head helplessly and fall into petty-bourgeois tristesse. Do not despair!

First of all, you should inform yourself daily, if not hourly, about the official line in the quality media. If you should actually be mentally overwhelmed by the print media's praise, we recommend the establishment's own state TV or, if necessary, private providers if you should actually still fall short of the mental level of a fourth grader. For the exclusive minority, whose intelligence quotient is above 90, the reading of the novels '1984' and 'Animal Farm' by George Orwell is recommended, in order to be able to recognize basic structures of the system.

Odds and ends like 'solidarity', 'conscience' and the so-called 'independent thinking' are of course nothing for a good citizen like you, but heretical characteristics of the anger or problem citizen. In the unlikely event that you really do possess such traits, you should get rid of them as soon as possible, lest you be branded an antisocial 'underdog' for all time and be doomed to eternal damnation.

Now you are well equipped to really take off and maybe with a lot of luck you can get a temporary job at minimum wage in the commercial sector, you lucky bastard! Don't forget to proclaim every day the preferably memorized slogans -e.g. 'We can do it!' or better 'One may not tolerate intolerant' - on all suitable and unsuitable occasions.

Finally, we would like to recommend that you always use gender-appropriate and politically correct language. For example, you should avoid all terms that contain the word 'BLACK'. Thus, the use of the word black Friday is already a sign of extreme, inhuman racism. This may seem totally stupid even to such a well-behaved subservient and sycophantic citizen like you, but for the sake of career one has to make sacrifices, even if it is your anyway rather puny mind.

May the slime be with you!
 

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