I hate my brain
I hate what it does
I hate all the thoughts and the constant buzz
I just want some rest and peace and quiet
A break from anxiety’s raging fires
I want it to shut up and go to sleep
But the constant thoughts that sting like bees
Won’t let me relax and float away
To the land of dreams where it’s all okay
So I lay here, my heart loudly beating
Heavily breathing, in my head screaming
But no one knows, and I’d never tell,
Because I’ve been doing so well
I’ve been with friends and laughed and smiled
Haven’t done “the things” in a while
I’s alright, I’m okay,
Okay
I’m okay, I’m okay, that’s what I always say
Dammit, why am I not okay?
Is it going to be bad again,
Am I going down that road again
Will it all be for nothing... again?
Will I have to run another lap
On the Devil’s hellish track
I hate my brain, but I don’t want to
All these places, mind spaces I can’t go back to
I hate my brain, and I feel helpless
But I can’t tell anyone, that’d be selfish
I’d just ruin the mood, make them feel bad
And anyways it’s just in my head
I should just stop and think happy stuff
And I’m probably just making it up
I just want attention, excuses, affection and pity
And write shitty poems about feeling shitty
Oh so fucking witty
I hate my brain, but it doesn’t matter
If I just pay it no mind it might get better
I can’t annoy people with all this nonsense
I don’t want to bother my friends
I’ll just stay home, locked away,
And who am I kidding, they never liked me anyway
I hate my brain because
it just won’t work and be what I want it to be
My Master, My tormentor, it has more power than me
I have things to do, work to get done,
I should take care of myself and try to have fun
I need to get up now, get it action,
But I’m just so tired, and everything’s a distraction
Focus
What dumb things did I do today
Focus
How many stupid things did I say
Fokus
If I wouldn’t live everything would be okay
FOCUS
I’m so tired, weary, exhausted,
Without doing anything all day that should be rewarded
Yes I am here, I dressed, I got out of bed
But that’s all and I’d rather be dead
I hate my brain, my body, my life,
What is it worth if all I do is survive?
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas
Is to be completely erased from existance
I’m not suicidal, I think, I wouldn’t do it
But life’s something so fucking through with
And I’m only eightteen, I should have the best time
Bathe in life’s golden shine
Drink from honey fountains, and the sweetest wine
But all I do is cry and whine
If I don’t enjoy my youth I’m lazy
And soon I will miss school greatly
No teen can ever by depressed or damaged
I haven’t even met live’s real challenges
I hate my brain, I hate what it tells me
I want to be happy, and that’s why I’m angry
I feel betrayed
My golden years have been taken away
By some shit hormones or Neurotransmitters
I hate my brain, I feel so bitter
I reached rock bottom and tried to get up
Why didn’t I just stay down and give up
Would have saved me a lot of fuzz
Life feels like chasing the nights last bus,
I am my own lone Sisyphus
Climed up only to fall down this slip n slide
And I just googled “How to die”
I hate my brain I hate I hate
And I’m so tired of lifting this weight
I stabbed my toe on a bookshelf
It wouldn’t hurt if I killed myself
I spilled a drink at a school dance ball
No one would laugh if I ended it all
I hate my brain, but what can I do,
Because for me, that’s nothing new
Todos los derechos pertenecen a su autor. Ha sido publicado en e-Stories.org a solicitud de Kat Mirabile.
Publicado en e-Stories.org el 14.03.2017.
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