Jtra1

      The me that I was destined to be came across time and sat down beside me.  I was sitting at my diningroom table 
typing out the sadness of my life  as it was in my early teen years.  I was Journaling about the lust I was feeling for my girlfriend Debbie who lived  few houses down from mine.
I was in crisis mode resulting from the battle between my flesh and my Catholic upbringing.  We had at that point a standing "date" to go to confession on Friday night.  We would take a 20 minute walk to the Catholic church , St. NICHOLAS OF TOLENTINE,  confess our sins, and walk back home.
  All I wanted in those days was to kiss her.  I wanted to have my first experience of lips to lips, tongue on tongue contact.
But I was full of sin consciousness in those days and fought my flesh in the name of purity.  And me resisting that normal human desire was a true sacrifice to our Lord Jesus Christ. 
. So as I'm typing away writing down my thoughts and feelings the me of my future suddenly appears  and sits down on the chair next to me.   I stopped typing and look at him.
    "You really like her, don't you." Older me says.  
     'Yes, I do." I say.  As I look at myself to be.
.    "But you can't...right? Because it's sinful. "
.  " Yes. "  I say.  But my desire..my body wants to so much. "
     "Hurts. .  doesn't it."
.     "But it hurt Jesus  when He died on the CROSS  
and i want to be just like Him."
.      "I know you do. " Older says.  "You're a good Catholic boy".  He rolls his eyes and smiles.   It's a kind smile not one of mocking, but one of kindness and knowing.  There is a look of peace and knowing in his face.  And in the middle of
my conflict I feel a calm come over me.  And I experience this knowing confidence that it will all be alright.
    "You'll never kiss her.  Not this one."
i suddenly feel a great sadness and dread start to come over  me.  
.   "But..there will be Maureen and Mary and Denise and of course your wife..."
      "Wait..  what.. , really,,,?"  And suddenly I feel such a joy as the dread falls away.
       "Yes.  Really." Older me says.
       "So fear not!  You're going to be ok. "  And with that he stands up and fades into the air.
    But what he's said sticks with me...pressed unto my mind and heart.  Because I know..I KNOW I am going to be even more than ok.
    
  



 
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