Forest of despair

What has happened to me?
Why is it that depression is what I feel?
Surrounded by love, yet my mind clouded by
these downs. 

A constant murmuring of what i don't have,
what i have not achieved sneaks
through my mind in a shiver that exceeds
what i feel from her, physically and mentally.
What has happened to me?

There are these urges i cannot surpress,
that coil around my ungaurded neck.
Lost in the ambition I had, and now fallen
in fizzy, frothed denail.

There is nothing that i can think of,
not family, not friends not love that
changes my perspective of my place in this world.

Come to the light of the tunnel of shame and despair,
there is nowhwere to hide or run from this pain
and fear, but a fire, burning deep inside resurrects my time that i spent
in these clouded eyes.

I look to myself, eyes red and glassy, black spots flowing here and there,
indifferent to the death and fear of others, the crying out and savage unfolding of a life
they cannot escape. But... 
I want to help them
i want to live
i want to survive and
in my life
preserve.
So i save myself, and from ashes that were my depression i will rise to ignite the fire in everyone's hearts.
To live their lives, in absolute love,
for that is the need and
that, is what has happened to me.

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